Friday, September 30, 2016

The Social Media Trap

I offended someone with my post about Jon the other day. I figure Matt Walsh probably offends at least a dozen, if not a hundred, people every time he touches his keyboard, so if this was the first time I've been openly offensive in 325 blog posts, I've got some catching up to do.

No, but seriously, that was the furthest from what I hoped to do. Originally, I had actually written another paragraph empathizing with the social media façade, but although you'd probably never guess, I try to keep my writing from turning into a free-flowing stream of consciousness, so I chose not to digress any further. The intent of my birthday post for Jon was simply to honor him. I didn't set out to confront the paradox of social media, but I did want to add a bit of a disclaimer so I wouldn't be contributing to the problem of online comparison that can be so damaging. If I just post flattering pictures of my husband looking all burly, helping around the house, and doting over our toddler, without keeping it real to some degree, then the folks who rarely see us in more than cyberspace could get the impression we have a marriage or family worth coveting.

But here's the catch, no matter how real you wanna keep things, you can't share the negative stuff online. I can be open and honest about my own plethora of shortcomings, and in my opinion it's still okay to share when a toddler acts like a toddler (i.e. my current Facebook cover photo). But there's a certain age of accountability, which happens to coincide with about the age of entry into the social media world, where it's no longer acceptable to keep throwing your kids/spouse under the bus. This was a rude awakening for me, as a mom who had posted pretty transparently about our adoption and parenting struggles in hopes of encouraging others in similar situations. But then one day, Angie was online too, and it was no longer fair to be as vulnerable when it meant exposing her.

If there were sound bytes or video clips of my squabbles with Jon behind closed doors, I could probably share them with you, because mine would be the tone that would make us all cringe, and the scowl would darken my face not his. But if anyone recorded his list of unfinished projects that are driving me nuts, or the mornings I couldn't get him out of bed, it wouldn't be fair for me to divulge such details, (posted with permission from him here of course.) You see, we tend to get on social media right after a tense moment with the kids or spouse and we see others on date night. Maybe their date wasn't even that stellar, but they had good lighting for the selfie and Instagram has a filter for everything! 

All this to say, there is a reason people mostly post their highlight reel online, not necessarily to make others believe they're doing better than they truly are, but because those are the moments you can share without insulting others. And those are the moments you want to dwell on.

So, to that wife who continued to keep up appearances, so to speak, even when the truth was likely much bleaker, here's what I almost wrote in the original post, but didn't want to digress from my main purpose of praising Jon:

Maybe those idyllic images and kind words about her man weren't meant to deceive anyone, but were meant to help her remember, and to remind him, of why she loved him. Maybe she too wanted to dwell on the beautiful moments and capture them for as long as she could. And maybe by speaking words of life into him publicly instead of condemnation, there could be hope for a future with more lovely times worth capturing...

May we all have the freedom to share much of the beauty that we experience every day, and may we have the wisdom to recognize others' posted moments aren't the only ones they're having, just the best ones.


"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." -Philippians 4:8

'Cause sometimes I make a mess of things too Buddy.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

A Perfectly Imperfect Gift


Because Jon is such a good listener and patient counselor, guys pour out their troubles to him all the time. Unfortunately, he currently has three different friends in the midst of serious marital upheaval. One of their wives was still posting idyllic stories and photos on social media about their marriage and family even as the whole thing was unraveling.

The last image I ever want to portray online, or in reality, is that we are doing better than anyone else. What I'm preaching to my vets and students this season is that comparison is one of the many thieves of joy. With social media, we're comparing 100% of our own story to about the top 5% of other folks' lives. It's basically bound to be depressing.

For this reason, I hesitate to even write about my man and all his hard work around our house. But when our partners have done good (and maybe we hope they'll do such things again someday), we really need to make sure they, and everyone else, know how good they've done.

So, in honor of another year completed, in what he likes to call his "mid-thirties," here are a few pics of just how great this guy has been to us recently.
Someone sure has an awesome Daddy to look up to! They're gonna need matching tool belts soon.

I agree Zy, he's my hero too...

Ruby had no idea this fence she was helping with was intended to stifle all her fun of roaming the neighborhood.

Look at what my man built, not just a fence from scratch but STAIRS! I couldn't even make a popsicle stick model of this.
Sometimes he just pulls down 30 year-old eyesore trees with his bare hands, well maybe with a little help from the truck too.

You would think that work, night school, and never-ending projects around the house would fill up his schedule, but he always finds time to play with his Mini-Me.


Happy Belated Birthday to God's perfect gift to our family. God knew what He was doing when He brought these two imperfect people together to sharpen and refine each other with our rough edges. There's nothing flawless, or even idyllic, about our romance, our marriage, or our parenting, but sometimes there are beautiful moments, and efforts worth praising. Those are the ones I want to focus on...