Thursday, October 30, 2014

The Punkin's Vine

Zy (our fetus) and I are in perfect harmony. It's the first time I've ever harmonized with anything remotely well. But with Zy it's effortless. He goes where I go, he eats what I eat, hears what I hear, does what I do, he never even complains. It's kind of amazing, and I totally take it for granted that we won't be this synced forever.

Last weekend, at the pumpkin patch, Angie went straight for all the biggest pumpkins of course, but she was most intrigued by the ones with the best "hats," her word for the stem, since you take it off and put it back on like a hat after gutting it out to carve. We ended up with this handsome fella:
We were all immediately captivated by its big, beautiful, squiggly stem! 
As we were admiring it, my mom told Angie, "that's it's umbilical cord, literally." Before this  little guy was cut from its vine, it was connected to its mama, alive and thriving. 

Angie worries very much about umbilical cords. She's asked a number of times if it will hurt me or the baby when they cut the cord, and on this particular occasion, she asked if the pumpkin felt it. After we convinced her that no one was injured, nor will be, she thought about how big the pumpkin could have grown if it hadn't been removed from its vine. Insatiably inquisitive, she wanted to know what the biggest pumpkin ever was? Turns out many claim to have the world's largest pumpkin, but it looks like in 2013 there was a 2,032-pounder grown in Rhode Island.
What it lacked in aesthetics it made up for in size, I suppose.
In a few months Zy and I will lose our connection as well. From the moment the vine, I mean cord, is cut we'll have to work at our relationship. I'll be intentional about bonding with him and guiding him well, but he will immediately start to have experiences independent of me. While now I know when he moves and he knows when I move, he'll soon start to go places without me and gain a whole new perspective on the world apart from mine.

I understand that this is completely necessary for both of our survival, as I can barely carry this little 1.5 pound punkin, let alone a 1 ton giant. For him to continue to live and thrive, unlike the pumpkin, he must be set free from our attachment. But I am reminded of the Vine he will never need to be separated from, the one that can continue to give each of us life if we remain in It.

"I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with Me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. Anyone who separates from Me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with Me and My words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who He is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as My disciples." - John 15:5-8 (TM)
Consumed by pregnancy, I am mesmerized by the thought of this Vine as an umbilical cord to God. When I think about how simple it is for Zy to abide in me, I desperately want that natural relationship with our Creator. Imagine just how enormous we could grow spiritually if we didn't constantly sever our connection to the Vine. Why do we choose to make our home outside of Him when we could live so richly and organically in His love? 
Jesus continued, “I’ve loved you the way my Father has loved Me. Make yourselves at home in My love. If you keep My commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in My love. That’s what I’ve done—kept my Father’s commands and made Myself at home in His love." -John 15:9-10 (TM)

Friday, October 24, 2014

Please Don't Tell My Daughter How Beautiful She Is


She already knows.

Much of our identities are based on what we're told early and often. If you hear something over and over, it's hard not to start believing it and owning it. 

For such a young impressionable one in our house, the repeated praise is about her physical beauty.

"Your skin's so flawless."

"Your nails are awesome!"

"You're so pretty!"

Last night, at a homeless ministry, a very well-meaning regular adult volunteer said these things to Angie:

"Your hair is SO beautiful. Like stunningly gorgeous! Do people just touch it all day long? You know, you could be a hair model!" 

The whole time I'm subtly making this gesture:
jonah hill oscars
She knows she could be a hair model, someone needs to tell her she could be an astronaut if she applied herself!

Believe me, I don't think our friends, and random strangers, intend any harm with their gushing compliments of our 12 year-old's appearance. It seems like a good idea to tell someone when you have nice things to say, as we so often find ourselves with a mind full of the alternative. But maybe, in the long run, it's not really doing her a favor.

Maybe in the long run she's building her identity, brick by brick, compliment by compliment, around her beauty, a monument that will always be difficult to upkeep and will eventually come crashing down.  
  
What if, for instance, in the far off distant future, she ages, and her face becomes "flawed" with the lines and spots she sees on my skin and already worries about? Or what if she gets large and unwieldy in pregnancy, swollen in places she did not know could swell? Where will her self-worth come from then, if its foundation is laid on such shaky ground as her fleeting looks?

If she considers her form to be her best quality, because so many have told her it is so, what will she use when she needs or wants something, her brains or her body?

And who will she look to for friends and a future mate, people who appreciate her wit and personality, or men and women who see her for what's on the outside, because that's where her confidence lies?

So, for those of you who want to lift up our vulnerable tween in such a pivotal time of identity construction, thank you. But instead of praising her silky locks, especially after she's spent hours idolizing ditzy girls on Youtube to find the latest look and wasted nearly a can of hairspray to perfect the style, here are some suggestions for how to encourage her:

When you see her do something kind, say, "Angie, that was so sweet."

If sometime she gives more than was required, tell her, "That was very generous!" 

If you notice her make a good choice, confirm, "That was a wise decision."

When you see her work something out for herself, let her overhear you mention she used great problem solving skills.

And by all means, if you happen to catch her in a Christ-like moment, don't hesitate to let her know, "I think that's what Jesus would have done."

Then, when she's struggling for hours with difficult homework assignments, or wrestling through a stressful situation with peers, she'll have more to rest on than her voluminous mane of soft hair. Maybe she'll remember that she can be kind and giving, with a wonderful mind, and a trust-worthy Savior living inside of her to help her in tough times. Maybe she'll find her identity in her inner beauty and strength, and in Christ; none of which will ever fade.

And maybe this is such a hot-button issue for me, because I would do well to do the same...

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Abounding Love to the Southeast

For the past six weeks, I’ve been careening wildly around the Southeast US, visiting my beloved vet school groups, sharing at conferences, and taking selfies. Yep, you heard me right, that’s what I do for a living now, thanks to my fabulous supporters; I take pictures of myself on my phone and call it ministry! To be fair, I’m using them to illustrate what our society has become focused on, but it’s been fun to tell a group of vets or students to give me their best peace sign and duck face.
Visiting Lincoln Memorial University’s brand new veterinary school, hoping to start their first club; Christian Veterinary Fellowship! (Prayer request: they meet next week to submit CVF as an official club, only 2 clubs of many will be selected this year.)
Mississippi State's great group!
Auburn's awesome crowd! War Eagle, Baby!
The fabulous Tuskegee club!
The University of Tennessee's packed house!
As many of the University of Florida's fantastic ladies as I could fit in the screen!
University of Georgia's wonderful students!

Since July, CVM has been studying our new annual verse;
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight.” –Philippians 1:9

Ooh, I love the theme of “Abounding Love.” Clearly I’m a big fan of the Abounding part, as it’s been my project name for over 6 years now, and a goal of mine to overflow into others for longer than that. And of course, everyone loves Love. We “love” sunsets on the beach, cupcakes with lots of frosting, our furry pets, a savory filet mignon medium rare, our favorite sports team, and a comfy pair of jeans. Not to be too superficial though, we love our friends and family too. We love a good chat with a bestie, a cozy snuggle by the fire with a spouse, a tickle fight with one of the kiddos, a warm hug from a grandparent. We love to be loved! 

But why doesn’t Paul say, “…that your love may abound more and more in hugs and kisses and warm fuzzy gestures?” That must be what he meant, right? After all, the dictionary on my computer defines love as “an intense feeling of deep affection.”  Deep affection and knowledge and depth of insight are not very similar.

Our culture, the one where the selfie is taking over the world, has taught us that love is about us. It’s about how many “likes” or retweets my photo gets on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter. It’s about whether my romantic partner is making me happy, and when he's not, finding another one. It’s about transactional relationships where love is reciprocal; it’s given to be returned.

We’re a few months from experiencing the event that most people say changes their understanding of love entirely; the birth of our first baby! In February, we fully expect to be overwhelmed, abounding even, with instant love for a little creature that won’t give us much more in return than a couple chubby cheeks to kiss, for quite some time. And I’m sure we’ll learn a new side of love that we can’t even imagine. But still, this love will be an emotion, one that likely will come naturally and effortlessly as we swoon over a precious newborn.

I think the love that Paul is talking about, however, isn’t one that comes easily to the heart, but one that flows with meditation from the mind. This is the love our daughter Angie has taught me.  A love that I must think about constantly, work on daily, and not always feel. One where the pouring out does not often come pouring back.

C. S. Lewis sums it up this way, "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained."

Paul encourages us, through conscious efforts to act out love with no expectations, to put the interests of others above our own. I challenge you too to love like Jesus, intentionally, and well.

“His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of Himself to us. Love like that.” –Ephesians 5:2 TM

Consider someone in your life who may not be the most loveable, and meditate on how to love them extravagantly. I’ll pray for you as Paul did for the Philippians that your love may abound, I hope you’ll pray for me too.

And if you're excited about all the smiling faces above being touched with Christ's love, please consider partnering with my ministry through the "Partner" link, upper right. Thank you!