Thursday, March 23, 2017

The Beauty of Second Borns

Our first child wasn't exactly our first born, so whatever significance birth order holds for children and parents is a bit complicated in our family. When we gave birth to our first giant son, we had already surrendered our free time, and learned many of the lessons parenting teaches you about your own selfishness and flaws, through our teenager.


When Isaiah joined us, we weren't young nor terribly naïve, but we didn't know anything about babies. So we read the books, and then ignored them, 'cause holding Isaiah all the time was way more fun than being Babywise. Plus, parents of firstborns or exclusively littles, have a lot more freedom in their schedules to stick to sleep-eat-wake routines than parents of busy middle schoolers who have to taxi them around like it's their job. Sleep experts, please explain how I'm supposed to keep a baby awake in the car while escorting my daughter to practices, games, friends' houses, etc.

So, in some ways Isaiah was not our first born, mostly in that he did not have our full and undivided attention. And, although there's a 12 year age gap, Angie is no longer an only child, as she's had to learn to share her parents, her stuff, and her schedule; in my opinion, some of the biggest benefits of having a sibling.

But then, along came Paulie. There's no confusion that this guy is not a first born or an only child. Jon is a second born among many first borns, so he has a special affection for Paul in this way.
If Isaiah had to be flexible based on his big sister's schedule, then Paul has to be fluid, or whatever's beyond flexible. When I was pregnant, Jon would come home at night and ask if Paul had been moving, and I'd have to stop and pay attention to him for the first time all day. Counting fetal kicks was not high on my list of priorities with a toddler, a teenager, and a job. Now, that he's here, when people ask how it's going with a newborn, I usually answer, "The newborn's easy, it's the toddler and the teenager that keep me on my toes!"
I took this picture to contrast the differences between our first born, Isaiah, and our second born, Paul. The main difference you see here is that Baby Paul is sleeping. Isaiah didn't (still doesn't) do much of that. Not only is Paul sleeping, but he's not sleeping in my arms, or anyone's arms for that matter. He isn't sleeping in any moving seat such as  a rock-n-play, car seat, or swing. He isn't even swaddled. He is flat on his back, and miraculously he fell asleep that way, no one held him, bounced him, or nursed him to sleep. He's also using a pacifier, a feat his big brother never mastered.


Paul sleeps through commotion like a champ. Not just the white noise of the vacuum cleaner, but the cacophony of an unruly toddler fussing at the top of his lungs or banging on anything within reach. And just this week, Paul took a bottle from his Bula (grandmother), and since then from his daddy, something Isaiah has never done once in his life. If this keeps up, second-borns might be my jam!

Now the challenge, of course, is to try to keep everything even. Angie and Isaiah have had years of photos and blog posts to memorialize their time with us. Paul has a baby book just so he doesn't feel left out. He gets random blog posts comparing him to his siblings when I get a few spare moments.

If not being the center of everyone's universe all the time helps non-first-borns not to feel entitled to being the center of the universe all the time then...would that we were all second borns. If I didn't know better, I might think Jesus Himself was a younger sibling.

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