Newlyweds No More?

Celebrating our first year of wedded bliss!

Marriage is one of those strange strange creatures you cannot completely fathom until you've captured it. Even then, it is an elusive beast to wrap your head around. Although it's as common as the flu in January, just like motherhood it's extraordinary in almost every way. In one of my favorite books on the subject, "The Meaning of Marriage" Tim Keller quotes Stanley Hauerwas,

 "...we always marry the wrong person. We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it awhile and he or she will change. For marriage, being the enormous thing it is means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary problem is...learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married."

Growing together on the high ropes course at family camp in the California Redwoods.

One year ago, Jon and I started changing each other for better or worse, for the rest of our lives. We've changed in some monumental ways. Where I was repulsed by hunting before, now I cook and eat the game he brings home, and maybe even look forward to restocking the freezer as deer season approaches. Jon now often cheers for UL with nearly the enthusiasm of those of us who truly bleed Cardinal Red as opposed to his natural UK blue. We've also changed in almost undetectable manners; now I separate the lights from the darks in the laundry, and he puts the toilet seat down. We've rubbed off on each other in negative ways. I start my day much later than I used to, because it's just about impossible to get out of bed when he's snoozing there all warm and cuddly. His diet now includes many more simple carbs than it probably ever has. But we've sharpened one another as well. Because of his influence, I'm gentler and calmer with Angie even when I'm not feeling gentle or calm at all. He's becoming more direct and more open about what he's really thinking. I might be a little more patient, he might be a bit more driven.

I wonder sometimes why couples who've been married fifty years can still be two such unique individuals. Why haven't they basically morphed into a male and female version of one another; two perfect fusions of all the good qualities each offers? If Jon and I could combine our passion and unflappable-ness, our energy and clearheadedness, fervor and tenderness, ambition and persistence, our perseverance, tenacity, thoughtfulness and charm, all on their best days, we'd be a duo to be reckoned with for sure! 

So I pray that we will continue to improve each other by watching one another reflect Christ in various ways for decades to come. Softening one anothers' edges where they need to be softened, sharpening them where they need to be sharper.

The happy-couple-pose in a two-person kayak after we sunk the one-man kayak in the middle of the lake,
 in one of life's impromptu crash courses on relationships. 

I'm reading Ann Voskamp's incredible book One Thousand Gifts where she quotes C.S. Lewis as saying,"If you think of the world as a place intended simply for our happiness, you find it quite intolerable: think of it as a place of training and correction and it's not so bad."

 It made me realize why I've been so pleasantly surprised by this first year as a wife. Many people think of marriage as an arrangement simply intended for their happiness, and thus find it quite intolerable. But as a 32 year-old tying the knot for the first time, I was fortunate enough to come to it with a little more realistic perspective. I looked at marriage more as a place of training and correction, as Tim Keller says "a way for two spiritual friends to help each other on their journey to become the persons God designed them to be." And as a result, it has exceeded all my expectations. 

Now, to see if it can get any sweeter, as we embark on year #2 determined to stay "newlywed" for a long long time....