Fine, Well, Good

If you ask Jon any open-ended question about how married life's going he will respond with as much enthusiasm and in as many words as our tweenager when asked how her day at school went, "good."  Now, Words of Affirmation is not my primary love language, but you've probably noticed I kinda like words, and a few of them are on the do-not-use list.  Nice, fine, well, and good among others are not descriptive enough to describe celery let alone the rock-your-socks-off changes of being newlyweds.  

So, I mentioned to him how this felt a bit like a direct insult as I'm the one causing married life to be whatever adjective he chooses to explain it with.  And I repeated my concern for his nonchalance about wedded-bliss when he got all dreamy (note the look in his eyes below) in the hardware store and when he ooohed to his Spanish teacher about his recent upgrade to real coffee from Nescafe after his birthday gift.  It seemed that it wasn't just his melancholic personality, but that I was falling behind tools and caffeine.

 A lot of it is our personality differences and some of it is his sensitivity to others and their marriages that might have weathered a few more storms than our 2.5 months of smooth sailing.  But either way, after eventually realizing he wasn't going to start replying, "Oh my goodness, you wouldn't believe how awesome my wife is..." I decided to do a little self-evaluation; turns out the problem was in me.

You see, until now I haven't had a spokesperson.  Even if self-depricating and transparent about the struggles of parenting to an extent, I've always had control of what image I portrayed.  What is Facebook if not a collection of the happiest most successful events of one's life, intentionally neglecting to mention the low-points and de-tagging the unflattering photos?  What is a blog, but a semi-narcistic stream of consciousness that tries to spin even the darkest moments to a silver lining.  I don't think I'm necessarily a control freak, but it would appear that I'm uneasy about giving up control over my reputation. 

So from now on, each time he represents our marital satisfaction with less fervor than I would, I'm going to remind myself that as long as we know the truth, no one else needs to.  We're living life for an audience of One, and He already sees what a great match He's made in us.  However, I probably won't stop posting picture evidence of how much fun Jon's having down here as husband, daddy, cowboy, anesthesiologist, and handyman.

 "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people" 

- Ephesians 6:7