Growing Pains of Grief

"Our grief is as individual as our lives." - David Kessler

I hope not to trivialize what others feel at the loss of a loved one, by calling Angie's felt loss of her home-country "grief," but in many ways it seems very similar. I recognized it as such when she raced through the classic stages in less than an hour after touching down in the Atlanta airport a week ago, and I realized her emotional roller-coaster over the past few months may have been just a larger scale version. 

The day we moved from Bolivia, for the second time in six months, she was calm, more than one could say for her mom as we rushed around airports and missed a flight, but contemplative; as she'd been for the week since Jon left us to return to work in Kentucky. Was this denial of the impending move, or acceptance? Her still-unresolved jealousy of Jon surfaced a bit as I called him while taxiing on runways in both Miami and Atlanta, but it wasn't until we got off the plane that she started to get sassy with me, and when Jon jumped out and wrapped her in his surprise hug she was having none of it. The snide remarks intermixed with the silent treatment went on until she broke down in tears in the car. 

Her bedtime had come and gone by this point and I was sure the night was only going to spiral more out of control, but Jon had enough optimism to try to order a pizza. He guessed it, as quickly as her mood shifted from peaceful to turbulent, she pulled herself together. By the time we arrived at Grandma's house she was upbeat and almost playful, possibly the quickest and most complete recovery we've ever seen.  

And since that moment she's been...pleasant, a word that seems so simple to most of you parents, but one we haven't been able to use for a long long time. She has not given up bargaining completely, "Mommy, if it's not gonna snow, we can go back to Bolivia, right?" And the necessary shopping sprees to outfit her for winter and her new school haven't hurt in keeping her spirits high in the midst of this huge change. Not to mention the lifesaving aid of our parents spoiling her rotten at every turn. But now I'm sharing Jon's optimism and hoping she's accepting our new surroundings, letting go of her "home" in Bolivia and embracing the one we're creating here.

Tomorrow is Angie's first day at her new school. She's not thrilled about the idea, but she's handling it maturely, and I'm proud of her...and I think I'll tell her that in the morning when she wakes up. We're both growing here, and some days I'm not sure who's more affected by the growing pains.  Good thing we have Ruby, Jon, and Jesus to keep us centered.